'I'm living with my husband's parents but they're ignoring lockdown rules'

My in-laws were dutifully ignoring most of the lockdown rules — though they did, somewhat ironically, make a point of washing their hands thoroughly after the supermarket — and had continued with non-essential building work inside the house, kept their cleaner on as normal and had friends round for tea. 'It's just a quick cup of tea,' my mother-in-law had smiled apologetically at me, as though she were being forced to harbour an innocent jail escapee and had no choice but to be charitable. I started to feel unsafe and anxious almost immediately — worried about my own safety (as someone with asthma and an auto-immune disease) and the wellbeing of those coming in and out — but it took me almost a week before I felt able to voice my concerns to my partner. We feel defensive of our loved ones and their decisions, particularly when we are powerless to change them, so my husband's frustrated reaction didn't surprise me. Jules* remained silent for a moment before bowing his head slightly and relenting: 'Possibly, but they'd never knowingly put us in danger.' I loved my in-laws, they'd always been kind and generous to me, and I knew they'd be mortified if they thought I was upset, but I felt angry that they were arrogantly flaunting the lockdown rules. I started to feel more and more paranoid around the house; washing my hands until they felt raw and inflamed, avoiding making tea or touching things in the kitchen for fear they were contaminated and I spent much of the day in my husband's childhood bedroom where I'd convinced myself (out of the will to survive) that the germs couldn't get me. Finally, after we watched the faces of those who had lost their lives due to coronavirus flash up on the news one evening, I made the decision to leave. He was, unsurprisingly, upset to see me leave but he understood that I couldn't stay, and for the first time since we arrived, we managed to have a calm conversation about his parents actions. Now that I've left, I realise just how stressful my living situation was for a while, just how uncomfortable I felt and how the fear and guilt had consumed me; causing me to feel irritated and distracted. I slept for two days straight on my return; safe in the knowledge that my sheets were untouched, my door closed to everyone but me, and my only visitor was an inquisitive pigeon, who would sometimes settle outside my bathroom window for a while. Every day I work on keeping resentment for them at bay, but I can't help feeling it prickle when I catch a glimpse of one of them in the background of a FaceTime call with Jules.